Be jealous. Make demands. Want more.

Here’s to a passionate, fully human nonmonogamy where things aren’t always fair and people are needy.

Two men embracing and kissing passionately, by Glodi Miessi on Unsplash.

Though every relationship in my adult life has included periods of nonmonogamy, I have never really identified myself as a nonmonogamous or polyamorous person.

My reasons for this are numerous, and not very enlightened.

I do not know that I would describe my general pattern of being in nonmonogamous relationships a part of who I am, or a reflection of my true relationship goals. I have often fallen into nonmonogamy as a temporary stopgap against the lack of sexual fulfillment or quality time in a primary relationship where I would be getting my needs met, if everything were up to me. Whenever my fantasy of a perfect, boundaryless love breaks down, I step back into nonmonogamy in a bid for sanity. I don’t like having my feet on the ground, though. I hate that reality has forced me to become so practical.

I’ve also slipped into nonmonogamy because it’s the standard in the communities in which I am participating. Most kinky people are some variety of poly, and so, though I have always longed for a kind of all-encompassing, lifestyle Dominant-submissive dynamic that could swallow me whole, I end up settling for short-term scenes with part-time…