Honestly, after re-starting T, I finally did upload some of my more masc photos to Grindr and the flood of responses I got really gave me a lot of relief. Like, oof, okay, I can be okay and I will have people to choose between in this world, too. Then I went to the gay bathhouse in town and had it confirmed for me that I really, really did not need to worry about not receiving male attention -- for a few years I had been on low dose T, trying to tow a line between being still kinda feminine, and kinda masculine, and in that state I was not getting attention from gay men, and only a handful of misgendering straight men. But once I really let myself actually be myself, which in my case did mean upping my T dose, I actually *could* be seen and wanted by the people I desired, it turned out. Of course, that doesn't fix the larger problem of the gay community being transphobic, fatphobic, racist, and so much more.... so in some ways my story isn't one that will apply to every trans masc person struggling with this stuff. External validation is a superficial thing on the one hand, but on the other, being a part of a community and feeling belonging within it is real. Lots of layers...