I am so grateful for this message. It really is the antidote to all the shitty messages I’ve gotten that try to interrogate what happened to me (and to “Grace”) in order to meter out blame. I’m so sorry that every sexual encounter you’ve had (prior to the person you married) involved these dynamics, though I’m not surprised to hear it. I fear for my sister, who dates people who don’t have the education & awareness of feminism that a lot of people I have dated have — though of course, many people I’ve known who had some seeming feminist bona fides were also creeps. It’s so hard to escape, and the number of people who are not predatory is so small. Changing things is gonna be a long time coming. But you sharing what you’ve shared here is part of how it gets better. Thank you for supporting my attempts at chipping away at rape culture, too.