I Don’t “Pass” and I Don’t Want To

As a trans person, how I look shouldn’t determine whether I’m treated with respect

Photo by Tom Sodoge on Unsplash

I’m 5'6'’. Not tiny by any means, but in most people’s eyes, that’s short for a “guy”. I have a chest that, the last time I measured it, was a DD cup size. I have big eyes and shrimpy little arms and the distance between my nose and my lips is very small. These are apparently all things that signal “femaleness” to the average eye.

I downloaded the “girls only” social media app Giggle recently, to try out its much talked-about gender identifying facial scan. Only women are allowed to use this app to make new friends, go on dates, and organize book clubs, and the app tries to ensure that by requiring users have sufficiently feminine faces. I was disappointed when Giggle quickly labeled me as a girl and cheerily welcomed me into its platform. Disappointed but not surprised. I know that I am algorithmically feminine.

I’m a nonbinary trans male, meaning I identify a little bit as a man, and a little bit as a beautiful genderless forest nymph. That description is both a joke and is serious. I’ve been out as trans since mid-2016. For years I’ve dressed and styled myself in a pretty androgynous way. I’ve taken low-dose hormones since May 2018, and have had an “M” on my driver’s license since October of…