I relate to all of this a lot, in a particular way. I also tend to “freeze up” in moments where standing up for what is right is called for. That is, when the person who needs to be defended is myself. If someone insults me, mocks me, misgenders me, undermines me, I don’t know what to say. Calling out racism, sexism, etc, comes pretty easily. I don’t hesitate. I don’t know why. But when it comes to standing up for me, I never feel like it is worth risking disapproval.

I think fear of reproach and reliance upon other people’s reactions is often at the heart of this as an issue. I am socially anxious, I fear being rejected by people, I fear being seen as too pushy, too demanding. So when someone does wrong by me, I am terrified, still, to be so selfish as to speak out.

I imagine that in your case you are also conflict avoidant, or socially anxious, or that you try to avoid upsetting people or getting people upset with you. I think, for both of us, the way to work on our freezing up is to detach from monitoring and trying to manage other people’s impressions. If someone is a racist, it’s good to correct them.

You don’t have to be confrontational or angry or give a big speech. A simple “I don’t agree with that” or “What a hurtful thing to say” is enough. Challenge yourself to say a few little things each week. I find that every time I assert myself or stand up for what is right, and realize the world has not burned down and it’s not even gonna escalate as an issue, it makes me more comfortable doing it again in the future.

You don’t ever have to be bold and brash and loud and fight every battle, but as long as you are working to stop caring what racists/sexists/etcs think of you, and working instead to live up to what you know is right, and to help make other people safe, it’s okay if you still tend to freeze up a lot. It’s really hard to overcome that reaction. I get locked inside my own head like, every day.