I think you should work to have more than an internal scream in your head during this conversations. Start first by refusing to misgender a trans person — I know you were misgendering this trans woman as an example, but it’s still hurtful to perpetuate. Stand up for her, all the time, by using the correct words for her. Correct people when they call her the wrong words. Shut down men when they say awful, sexist things. I know it’s hard to fight, but when you aren’t the person directly being attacked or damaged by that kind of rhetoric, you have the potential (and often the responsibility, I think) to make a big positive impact. Silent internal screaming isn’t enough. Thank you for being supportive — now do what you can to bring that support into the world.