I’m not a lady, and you’re being rude. I think maybe it’s comforting for you to think of scenarios in which this didn’t play out the way it did. I was 22 years old and I loved and cared about the guy, and I’d grown up in an environment where my body autonomy was never respected. I wasn’t good at creating a fuss. He was drawn to shy, unassuming people; he once told me his dating MO was to find people way hotter than himself with lower self-esteem. He told me that after this incident. I knew he’d had me pegged.

Don’t give 22-year-old me advice. I didn’t do anything wrong. I really didn’t. He took advantage of someone who wanted to be polite to him, who wasn’t as pushy and shitty as him. Your words are hurtful and presumptive. You weren’t in that situation. Do you really think I benefit from hearing this shit at 29? I don’t. It’s frustrating. You should be listening to survivors right now, not lecturing at them at how they should have been. I would have chosen to be a bolder person, then, too. It’s not that simple.

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