I’m pretty sure my friend is Autistic. Should I tell them?

For far too long, external judgement has defined the neurodivergent experience. Let’s not continue that problem.

Devon Price

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Welcome back to Autistic Advice, a semi-regular advice column where I respond to reader questions about neurodiversity, accessibility, disability justice, and self-advocacy from my perspective as an Autistic psychologist. You can submit questions or suggest future entries in the series via my Tumblr ask box, linked here.

Today’s question comes from an Autistic person who has many friends who sure seem like they might be Autistic — but who bristle at their suggestion that might be the case:

Have you ever found it worth floating the possibility to probably autistic people and maskers (close friends, family, etc) that they might be autistic? 
 
 I have tried it a couple times and it seems to just make people get really defensive and upset with me (which I can handle), but then also people start to hold me at arms length. My intention is to bring us closer together by talking about our shared struggles and how to improve our lives (which was totally fine in the past talking about our

I very much understand why you are asking this question, Anon. Like you, I have had many friends who have struck me as quite obviously Autistic.

The neuro-nonconforming have knack for finding one another. We keep each other company as we glumly walk the mile in gym class, and cluster together at the corner of the party, grimacing from the noise with our arms crossed. The people who tend to be the most patient with my info-dumping are my fellow special-interest-having obsessives; the people who have proven the most patient with my irritability and meltdowns are ADHDers who know how to forgive and…

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Devon Price

He/Him or It/Its. Social Psychologist & Author of LAZINESS DOES NOT EXIST and UNMASKING AUTISM. Links to buy: https://linktr.ee/drdevonprice