It’s a pretty awful feeling to have, but it’s not an uncommon one among survivors of sexual assault. I think it’s important to normalize it. I have fantasized about my abuser no longer existing and no longer being able to harm people. And in that, I know I must not be alone. I would rather risk looking like a monster to some people than continue to stigmatize these feelings. When I write about such feelings, I am describing my experience, not making prescriptions about how the world should handle sexual assault. Feelings and thoughts are neither bad nor good, they simply are — and what we do with them is what matters. I aim to use an honest description of my feelings and thoughts to help other people, to educate, and to process my trauma. You are well within your rights to feel or think that I am not doing so responsibly of course.

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