"ll also have an urge to intellectualize it out loud for an hour until it goes away, which I mistook for it being resolved. I was really just numbing myself with a story. I almost never become aware of a feeling or sensation that I don’t immediately react to with the intent to quiet it - joy, anger, grief, physical pain, whatever. "

Wow, it's like looking in a mirror! I've done exactly this many many times.