Oh James, my heart breaks reading about how much pain you and Cathy have been in, and how much you've had to struggle alone. That night on the floor with your gout flaring up sounds almost unbearable. What a tough marathon of caring for a neighbor and just barely eking by for yourself it has been. I wish I could have been there for you, I'm sure everyone on the P&P Slack feels the same. You and Cathy both deserve to have caring neighbors at hand to drive you, to pick up meds, to sit with you while you're in pain and to let you stop having to be strong and keep things together all the time.

You've done so much incredible kindness to others in your life, and you continue to do so even now, when it is the most taxing. The world is far too isolating for queer people, neurodivergent folks, and anyone out in remote and rural areas, and even when you're in the middle of the worst of it, you're fighting to be the change that is so sorely needed. I feel like it's some great cosmic injustice and personal failing both, somehow, to not be able to be there to show up for you as you have shown up for others.

I hope you are on the mend, my friend.