Oh my god yes, so much self-acceptance and self-trust for me has come from the fact that it has been… three or four years now of being out, and my feelings haven’t changed. Sometimes I’ll have this surreal moment of looking back at my life and going, “Oh wow, so I really have been feeling happier, healthier, more outgoing, more self-loving, and ‘right’, for years now… and I don’t doubt myself so much anymore… huh, I guess maybe I’m not a faker after all. Oh well, we’ll see in another five years…” lmao
And yeah, I think one of the big things that made me feel fake was this trans narrative of a person always knowing since birth, articulating it proudly despite all pressure to the contrary, and being so sure of themselves that they were willing to risk it all for the sake of being themselves. It’s ridiculous to make that the bar! I’m astonished and impressed with people who have that level of self-possession, but that is not me, and it’s not most of us. People are influenced by the society around them.