She explains why in the piece. But I’ll clarify more. When you’re in a situation like that, when your no has already been repeatedly ignored, you feel frozen, frightened, frustrated, and worn down. Ansari’s not a large dude, but that’s not super relevant — we don’t know Grace’s size, and statistically she was likely to have been smaller than him. He blocked her exit, cajoled her, tried to placate her, and his actions were inconsistent with his words. That’s confusing and destabilizing in situations like these. The same thing happened with my assault. The guy told me he was gonna stop, but then he just kept asking. Running out into the night is not a person’s first response. You’re gonna have to trust victims on this. There are literally thousands of us who have written about this. Why is that not good enough? If you have not experienced this you need to approach the conversation with humility and actual curiosity.

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