Thank you for this. It makes my skin crawl when I hear more “visibly” queer people rail against gay men as if they’re all privleged oppressors who want to force us all to assimilate to cishet norms. The reality is so far from that myth, and that myth tears us apart. And a lot of times I think it is rooted in homophobia that queer people don’t always realize we can have despite also being gender and sexual minorities.
Plus, the idea that Pete “isn’t really gay” is a tidy way for white queer people to absolve ourselves of having to investigate our own problems with racism and privilege. It’s a “no true Scotsman” fallacy. If someone who is relatively oblivious to racism like Pete “isn’t really gay”, then we don’t have to investigate how much that exact same kind of privileged obliviousness permeates far more “queer looking” communities too. It’s no good. Queer people can be racist, we can be blind to problems of class, we all have room to grow — that doesn’t make us not queer. It means we have to work as a community to get better.