Thank you for this honest portrait of what aging meant to you then, and what it means to you now. You mentioned how your younger self could not fathom that he was attractive, and I can't help but think the same thought process probably carries over to now, when having signs of aging bother you and presumably someone finding your current self attractive would also take a moment to process. Other people can see the beauty in us so much easier than we can ourselves, it's so hard to stop focusing on the things we are unhappy with and see ourselves a whole and even appealing picture... I have no idea what the answer is and am early on the path of even trying to make peace with it; thank you for illustrating where you are at and that it's okay for these feelings to be unresolved and hard.