Thank you for your message, Sayeed. I know that I have put off applying for jobs because I found the interview process too terrifying to imagine enduring, and because I was certain I couldn’t be a “normal”, acceptably hard-working person for 40+ hours a week because of my disability. This ended up not being true of me — sometimes I really am capable of both those things! — but the self-sabotage came from a very real place of having struggled at those things in the past.
I’m sorry to hear about college having been difficult too. Perhaps a full courseload is not a good fit for your needs — not sure what you have tried so far, but I’d be happy to chat a bit about what has made college hard for you those two times, what some viable other options for finishing college might be, and whether that’s something worth your time and money investment in general.