Thank you so much for sharing your story Sieran! Like you, I didn't bother telling my mother about my surgery until after it was done. I thought that would both spare her a lot of fretting, and spare both of us any hard conversations where she either didn't know what to say, or tried to dissuade me. When I told her, she said that if I'm happy, she's happy, and that was just about the best I could expect from her! I'm glad you didn't let your parents put any poison in your ear about your surgeries either.

It's always so fascinating to hear all the differences in how various clinics and healthcare systems throughout the world handle these things. Every system has its own quirks. Your current doctor sounds absolutely wonderful. It's a breath of fresh air to be in the care of someone who gets it, and doesn't doubt you.

I've also heard from some of my Asian trans friends here in Chicago that they've gotten a lot out of joining local AAPI queer and trans groups. I think there's just so much about how gender is mediated that is racialized and so many ways in which the mainstream conversation about transness caters to a white audience and traditionally European gender norms, so I can only being to imagine how much better it feels finding a respite from some of that in a fellow Asian trans person.

And like you I've noticed haircut is everything when it comes to not being misgendered! It sucks having to worry about, concerns about being read correctly introduces new layers of potential dysphoria, and it sucks having to conform because one needs to, not because one wants to. But damn, when i square off my haircut just right, I get he/himmed no matter what I do or say or wear!