The lessons you've learned about engaging with other people are very recognizable to me! For a long time, I tried to get better at socializing with the goal of seeming more outgoing and likable, or simply making more friends. It did not work. People could smell the desperation and falseness from it, and it probably creeped them out. On the flip side of things, if I wasn't actively trying hard to be liked by other people, I was kind of a boring, dry political-psychologist-in-training who only wanted to talk about political psychology and disdained a lot of less serious talk. Nowadays I find it quite easy to get along with new people, because I'm not in my head too much, and I'm genuinely curious. I don't like to talk about work much, as it's a bit of a bummer and creates a distance between me and other people. But learning about what *they* are interested in puts them at ease and it's motivating for me to learn about because, well, it's yet another way to learn about human psychology! Groups are still hard though.