Yep! Identity is not activity, and it’s not something we can really ever name for somebody else. I had a boyfriend, when I was still living in girl-mode, who would have sex with men about once a month. At the time, he didn’t identify as bi. When I would tell people about his once-a-month hookups with dudes, straight people would freak out, and say that he must actually be gay. These days, I believe he does identify as queer or bi, but that had to come on his own terms, with his own understanding of himself. Most of the people I’ve been with have been at least somewhat interested in multiple genders, which has always felt affirming for me as a nonbinary person, though I wasn’t always able to put my finger on why.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store