You don't "need" to understand. You want to, and you might feel entitled to, and I understand as a fellow Autistic why understanding might help you feel safe. But you will never get to fully know any other person's interiority, it will always remain in part a mystery, and in order to fully respect a person, you have to make your peace with that. You are not god, and neither am I. We have no authority over another person's life. We have no access to it beyond what they elect to share with us, either.

You ask for evidence of happy and well adjusted LGBTQ people. Can you show me happy straights? I haven't met a healthy, lasting, well adjusted straight couple in my 36 years of life. Are we sure being straight is legitimate?

I can't say I've ever met a human being who had their shit together. It's an impossible standard by which to judge a life. We evolved to survive, not to be happy. We're wired for impatience, dissatisfaction, anxiety, longing, depression, existential dread. It makes for great art and very entertaining drama. If we were crystallized in some happy state forever, we'd basically be dead.

Humans will be messy, contradictory, unhappy, and beautiful in that inscrutability. We will make mistakes. That's one of the hallmarks of disability activism, by the way, the right to make mistakes. Queer liberation is not about ensuring that we all be happy and satisfied for the rest of our lives. It's an inevitability of our existence. You'll have to find a way to deal with it whether you understand it or not.